alexeye | here i go . . .

i'd like to thank all of those who have finally gotten me over here to livejournal: mystril for the code, blue_lotus and applehangover for expressing interest in my silly little life, and, of course, jangrl, for giving me that all-important kick in the ass, after many months of hinting.

anyway, after a day of frustration and hot city driving, i'm finally in the right space in my head to go to VEGAS! again. for the second time in two months. what a way to spend my money, not to mention my brain cells.

wait, what's that? all i'm paying for is my room? what do you mean, "guys buy you drinks"? i live in los angeles, the land of men who don't buy drinks. of course, once those same men travel to vegas, they suddenly find themselves capable of opening their wallets and buying drinks. strange, that.

okay, that made me sound totally lame, didn't it? i actually don't have a problem buying my own drinks. as much as i love free stuff (no matter who's buying), i always feel weird when guys i barely know are paying to get me drunk. i have trouble with that whole "equality" thing: i like to be the independent girl, capable of taking care of myself (and i am, goddamit), and i also like free stuff, 'cause i'm poor. ah, the existential dilemmas of contemporary american life.

stress has been getting to me and to all of my friends lately. i got into my second fight in less than a week with someone i haven't fought with in over a year. yeah. and it was both of our faults. it's finally becoming reality to us: we're going to be split up in a matter of months, and we're freaking out about it. i lost a lot of friends when i graduated from college, because so many people moved to so many different places, but i still had a steady core of compadres left. now i'm going to a strange city, where i know exactly 1.5 people, and most of my close friends are doing the same. the last year has been so crazy: i broke up with my long-term boyfriend, decided to go back to school (no matter how much money it cost me), moved, broke up with a close friend, etc. etc. it's been a whirlwind, and though i feel that i'm in a better place than i was last spring, it's still hard to come to terms with so much change. and now more change is coming, and it's coming really, really soon.

not that i'm not excited. but i feel that i'm not quite as excited as i should be. about moving to chicago, about grad school, about building a new life. i think i need a relaxing summer before i do all of this: i need to recharge my batteries, spend time with the people who matter, and organize, organize, organize. otherwise, i think i'll totally lose it once i hit chi-town.

heh. i keep stopping what i'm doing to look at my legs. i'm uber-pale, so i decided to go for the self-tanner before i hit vegas. all of the other girls are doing the tanning bed thing, but i can't bring myself to fry like that. so i decided that smearing chemicals all over my skin was the way to go. anyway, i'm paranoid about being tiger-y (orange and stripey), so i've been very sparing with the stuff so far. probably too sparing, because, as i said, i'm fish-belly white, and i think it's going to take some wicked stuff to give me some color. you should have seen me at the dodger game last night, checking out my legs every 5 minutes. i must look psycho.

i think i hear the boss sneaking in, so i'm going to pretend that i'm doing something useful with my time and his money. i hope i'm doing this livejournal right. maybe it would be a good idea to add some friends now, so i can pretend i'm all popular and stuff.